Looking back from where I have been it is amazing to see where I am today. I would have never thought I would just let go and let GOD!!! I have compared myself to “Perfect Patty” (Janet Jackson in why did I Get Married) so many times… Well my TRUTH was I lived for the approval of others. I never wanted to be looked at as an outcast or someone out of the norm. But wow after a life altering experience, a dark night of the soul journey, and being awaken to a higher level of life, my reality has forever been changed.

I have always taken heed in the wisdom of my elders and the words of wise men/women. I may have not immediately reacted to their guidance, but I have always kept what has been spoken in the back of my mind. I understood that I may not have been able to see then what they were talking about, but I knew at some point of time it may come to past and I need to be able to recognize at that moment what it was. So with that said that has brought me to where I am today seeing things for what they really are. Choosing to do what is best for me. Making sure that I am refreshed and able to have what I need so that I can continue to educate and bless others and also fulfill my purpose.

Detaching from what was hurting me the most was the hardest part of all of this, but I do understand it was for my good. Have you ever been so boggled down with so much negativity that you just felt that whatever you did or whatever way you went it was just all wrong… That is truly how I felt before. No matter how hard I tried to please this person or do what this person wanted me to do it just was never good enough. Once I let that go it felt as if I could breathe again!!! The fresh air is so refreshing! Looking at life with a clear view has allowed me to find me again!

I am now living a life that I feel that I can be myself and live in my truth. I not only educate others, but I have a radio show, talk show, and a few podcasts that I do. I am living a life that I am constructing and not one that I am conforming to because it is what everyone else wants me to do… and guess what it feels so damn GOOD!

In hindsight I am sitting back thinking about so much that has happened to me in the last past 3 years… Cancer, Break up, Losing a loved one, Break up, and finding Me again!  In 2019 I learned the biggest lesson yet, Time Waits On No One!!! It is so real! Tired of thinking about the should of and could of and all of the other what ifs.  Moving forward into the positivity that God has in store for me!  There is so much more that I am looking forward to!

I have definitely realize that I love romance.  I love LOVE.  I like to spend time with someone who only sees me in a room full of people… is that bad?  I just wonder do I crave attention because I feel that I never had much attention from others.  Maybe this post is so bad or maybe this post is just one of my many rants that makes me be looked upon as a real person that deals with real life emotions.  I’ve loved a few in my lifetime and I wonder did they truly love me back… I just feel like LOVE can be fickle at times but then it can be the most beautiful thing in the world when you least expect it to…

Blah, blah, blah… so cliche!  Happy New Year All and I know I am a month late, but I have been in a fog lately.  I was thinking a new year, life has got to get much better.  Truth is the things that I am currently going through may be for my total good, but man this is crazy.  On January 6, 2019 my life took on a huge change… I lost my first love/ex-fiance.  We had an interesting dynamic, but I can say through this Cancer journey when I chose to tell him about what was going on, he continually checked up on me making sure that I was good.  We talked about so much but it was interesting that I feel I did not truly know about him entirely until he passed.  I do understand now why things went the way they did, but I can truly say I loved him and I want him to rest peacefully.

Now it is on to new beginnings and I am fearful of what to come but I am excited in the same breath.  I am still pushing towards greatness for this year.  I have a 40th birthday this year and that is truly a blessing.  I am planning where I want to be for that specific day!  I am making new friends and just enjoying life. I miss a few friends who have chosen to walk out of my life but I am realizing I can no longer cry over spilled milk or the choices that others make.  I have to move on and make my own choices for my life.  I thank God for life and allowing me to live and learn more as I progress in life. I am truly not trying to rush anything at this point I am allowing God to guide me and I am going to walk in the path in which He wants me to go.  I wish you all many blessings for 2019!!!

Back at work, back to life… that is my reality right now.  It is interesting how when you are down everyone kicks you and pushes you to the side, when you are back on your feet they start to remember you again.  This process, this journey, this path has really taught me a lot.  I apologize for anyone that I left in the cold or was not there for them when they truly needed me.  Moving forward I will not apologize my stance of doing what is best for me.  I have put so many before myself, that I feel that I have hindered myself from reaching the greatness and success that was accessible to me in life.  I am starting to gather my strength, get my barrings, and truly figure out what I want in life, out of life, and how I want my life to play out.  Yes, a ball of mixed emotions for me at this time… I am really loving being back at work.  Educating is my love and my passion!

As I sit here and look at my reflection in the computer screen while it is hibernating, I began to think how did I get here…  Was it me being too passive and indecisive about my life… Was it me trying to fight for something that I should have let go of a long time ago… Was it me just making poor life decisions… It was probably a combination of them all.  So what do I do now… Moving forward I will no longer leave my life and circumstances to chance.  I will be intentional about my life moving forward.  If I don’t like it or feel that it is not for me, guess what I am going to stand my ground on it and not care what others think or say.  This is my life, my choice and I am going to live my best life regardless of what people say or think!  Life is truly about living and learning and I have learned a lot thus far and I will be learning a lot more as I continue to live.  Thank you God for your enlightenment, healing, and deliverance!

Scrolling through facebook and what do I see other than a post about cheating from the cheater himself (my soon to be ex-husband).  I swear I feel like I was slapped so hard in the face and was told “Wake the Fuck Up!”  The post is as follows… The words that I have expressed on so many occasions Thanks for giving us your insight my Mighty Man brother *********** This is a Relationship Must Read #TheManhoodChronicles : All men don’t cheat and all men that cheat aren’t cheating because they are sex crazed. This is the part that most women will never understand. Fact there are some men that cheat just for sex , but the fact is if you respect your men, support his dreams, talk to him like a king, build with him instead of building off of him ,you are least likely to get cheated on. Men want to be respected and heard, the moment you talk down to him you have began the chain affect that is called infidelity. Men will always see other women that are attractive , but when you pour into a men exactly what you want poured into you, that man want ever considered risking you over nothing. The women that your husband /boyfriend will cheat with mit not look better then you, they mit not have a better body then yours, they mit not have more education then you , they mit not even be financially secure. But they won’t insult your guy the way you do they will talk to him with respect, they will make him feel like he can conquer the world. Stop acting like you are his only choice and you will be his only choice. And might This sums it up for me being the fool that I am waiting for things to get better but you feel that you don’t mind risking our relationship, my health, my solitude over your selfish feelings.  Wow thanks for this true and real wake up call.  So I will tell any female that has repetitive cheater on their hands to walk away and just let it go because that man does not respect you or the family that you have together with feelings like this.

I do believe that sometimes things have to fall apart so that things can be rebuilt on a better foundation and that is the direction that I feel that my life is going in.  These last few months I have had so many things come to an end in my life.  I have to think to myself did I say the prayer of God let anything or any person that is not for me fall out my life because the way that life has been going for me makes me surely feel that way during this time.  Going through a period of loss and of refinement can be ohhh so rough, but I am definitely keeping my eye on the prize which would be the end results of this and how much better of a person I will be from all of this.  It is difficult to see the ones you love walk away from you, but God makes no mistakes and life is all about living and learning!  Living and Learning are the key things that we are here for because if you are not doing one or the other you have to be dead, so be thankful that you are able to learn that hard lesson because that means that you are living!!!

Good morning,

As I sit here thinking, it is just amazing how things work, how things go, and how life flows.  I am praying that I can get back to the place that I was, where I was so hopeful about life, that I felt that I could accomplish whatever I put my mind to, but all of those positive thoughts just seem so far away.  I do have my life and my health is better, so I am excited about that, but as far as my future I still feel in shambles.  By this age I was supposed to have so much more, accomplish so much more, be so much more.  It is amazing that I feel like blaming everyone else for where I am, when I can only blame myself.  I realize now, I have to take the necessary steps to be happy within my life.  No one can provide that happiness for me.  I guess I have been sitting back analyzing this “Game of Life” and it does not seem too fair or even too great, but maybe it is because of what I allowed in my life and what I allowed to happen during my life.  Sometimes we never take the time just to sit back and analyze things, but thank God for allowing me the time just to observe what life is all about and to get clear on what I want and what I need to do.

Solid relationships that you think you have can sometimes be so shaky.  This journey has really been very interesting.  They said on this journey you will find out who your true friends are and how strangers become the friends that will be there.  The ones who you thought you could truly depend on become ghost to your situation.  God is really opening my eyes to some things and I am grateful.  Your friends and family that you think will be there for the long haul start to disappear and you just realize that you are on your own.  Wow!

I have been deep into the research over my life.  I have given up on everyone else’s opinion and learning to listen to my intuition.  God has made me an intuitive being and I need to trust in that.  My intuition is telling me so much right now and just trying to live in #MyTRUTH…