So two weeks ago I had the bilateral mastectomy and today I feel so indifferent about it.  It seems that my life has totally changed.  If my children were not around I don’t know what I would do. I also thank God for my mother who has been here 100%. I have understood for a long time that we should not put our faith in man because man will fail us each and every time, but I did have some faith in my loved ones… until this happened.  I just feel so hurt and alone because I have always struggled with did I make the right decision.  I have lived with so many regrets for such a long time.  It seems when life does not go in the way in which I would like for it to go, I begin to think about if I would have made a different decision in the past would my life be like this today.  I definitely know that this is a bad and unhealthy way to live.  I have to be ok in whatever I decide and live with it and be accountable for my life.  I have to stop with this perfectionist thing, because I truly want things to go perfect, but would life be life if everything was all sunshine and rainbows.  Would we learn to trust in God and humble ourselves, if everything went the way we wanted it to?  I know in life there is so much to learn, but it can be so difficult at times when you hit those bumps in the road or you are standing face to face with the biggest obstacle in your life.  Cancer is a thing of the past for me and I thank God for my healing and deliverance, but it is now time to make me whole again and to truly work on living life to the fullest and with no regrets!

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